Parent Articles

(Before and After the Game)
By Bruce Brown

A lot of soccer parents with good intentions give a 30 minute lecture, covering all the players supposed deficiencies and giving playing advice, in the car on the way to each match. The kids arrive far off their optimal mental state, and dreading the critique they are likely to hear, whether they want it or not, on the way home. Kids who are massaged in this way tend not to play badly, they just tend to not play, possibly to avoid making mistakes.

The easiest way to detect this problem is just to ask the player if it is a problem. Kids are more than willing to share this grief. The easiest way to correct this problem is to speak to the parents, as a group, about your expectations, and to cover this as a routine problem. Many of the parents will recognize themselves if you can present this problem with humor and illustrate the importance of the kids having fun and arriving in a good state of mind.

For best results, parents should memorize and use the following:

Before the Match
1. I love you.
2. Good luck.
3. Have fun.

After the Match
1. I love you.
2. It was great to see you play.
3. What would you like to eat

 

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"Positive Parental Support"
By Rob Herringer,
Kansas Youth Soccer
State Director of Coaching

My mom was a soccer mom before being a soccer mom was considered cool. After teaching Math to a building full of energetic high schoolers, she would load me into her Pontiac Grand Am and haul me all over Omaha, Nebraska for training sessions and matches with my premier club team, sometimes up to an hour away from home. I never missed a training session or match unless I was truly ill or the event was canceled due to inclement weather. When looking back on the numerous sacrifices she made in order to allow me the opportunity to play the game, I am simply amazed. I had no idea that at that time in my life, her sacrifices would lead to the beautiful life I get to live each and every day. Now, my mom wasn't just good at getting me to events on times, which was always a firm requirement - early was on time, and on time was certainly late. She also personified what it was to be a positive, supportive parent. She never expected anything out of me but my best effort. She would never sit me down and discuss her expectations for my performance, or offer up any kind of solution after a big loss (or win for that matter). She never called the coach and questioned my playing time or his or her decision-making. She also never made a spectacle out of herself at matches by yelling at referees, coaches or players. She was simply my biggest fan.
My mom was also the biggest reason why I played the game for over 17 years. Due to her undying support, all I ever wanted to do was play my best and enjoy the overall experience of sport and competition. I never felt pressure to perform at a certain level, score a large amount of goals, receive a massive amount of playing time of earn a college scholarship. Any and all pressure I experienced was due to my own intrinsic drive and determination. I was always taught that I got out of the game what I put in, and my mom was there to support me every step of the way.
Unfortunately, not all children get to experience the game like I did. The reality is that the level of negative parental support has hit a danger zone in this country and seemingly in many parts of the world. Many soccer parents in this day and age are perceived as overbearing, opinionated and unrealistic. Although in their eyes they are merely supporting their child's dream of making the high school varsity team or receiving a college scholarship, many times coaches perceive parents as wanting those dreams more than the players. We all have horror stories we can share about parents at youth soccer events stalking the sidelines and making life unbearable for the players, coaches, referees, and fans of our game. It has become very clear that some of these parents simply want it more that their kids.
The overall message of this article is that the absolute best soccer parents are the ones who generally let their children do their own thing. A parent's job is not to motivate, critique, and complain. So what can parents do for their children so they continue to enjoy the game and have every opportunity to succeed? Love them, support them, feed them a balanced diet, and above all, just let them play. Parents should support their child's development in every way possible. Also, always keep in mind the true goal of youth soccer is player development. Youth coaches are doing what they can to develop each and every child, athletically and socially. Club directors of coaching and state coaching education staffs are doing everything they canto make sure the club coaches are kept up-to-date on the latest practices and philosophies on the most effective ways to develop our players. It is truly teamwork at its finest, and parents are a very important part of that team. So parents, give your child positive support from your end, let the coaches coach the best way they know how and let your child find their own way in the game. With all of us working together in a positive way, all of our children will have the tools they need to reach their true potential and find a never ending love for the game.

 

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This was written by Jeff Pill
New Hampshire Director of Coaching

The role that parents play in the life of a soccer player has a tremendous impact on their experience. With this in mind, we have taken some time to write down some helpful reminders for all of us as we approach the upcoming season. If you should have any questions about these thoughts, please feel free to discuss it with us, the coaches.

• Let the coach's coach: Leave the coaching to the coaches. This includes motivating, psyching your child for practice, after game critiquing, setting goals, requiring additional training, etc. You have entrusted the care of your player to these coaches and they need to be free to do their job. If a player has too many coaches, it is confusing for him and his performance usually declines.

• Support the program: Get involved. Volunteer. Help out with fundraisers, car-pool; anything to support the program.

• Be you child's best fan: Support your child unconditionally. Do not withdraw love when your child performs poorly. Your child should never have to perform to win your love.

• Support and root for all players on the team: Foster teamwork. Your child's teammates are not the enemy. When they are playing better than your child, your child now has a wonderful opportunity to learn.

• Do not bribe or offer incentives: Your job is not to motivate. Leave this to the coaching staff. Bribes will distract your child from properly concentrating in practice and game situations.

• Encourage your child to talk with the coaches: If your child is having difficulties in practice or games, or can't make a practice, etc., encourage them to speak directly to the coaches. This "responsibility taking" is a big part of becoming a big-time player. By handling the off-field tasks, your child is claiming ownership of all aspects of the game - preparation for as well as playing the game.

• Understand and display appropriate game behavior: Remember, your child's self esteem and game performance is at stake. Be supportive, cheer, and be appropriate. To perform to the best of his abilities, a player needs to focus on the parts of the game that they can control (his fitness, positioning, decision making, skill, and aggressiveness, what the game is presenting them). If he starts focusing on what he can not control (the condition of the field, the referee, the weather, the opponent, even the outcome of the game at times), he will not play up to his ability. If he hears a lot of people telling him what to do, or yelling at the referee, it diverts his attention away from the task at hand.

• Monitor your child's stress level at home: Keep an eye on the player to make sure that they are handling stress effectively from the various activities in his life.

• Monitor eating and sleeping habits: Be sure your child is eating the proper foods and getting adequate rest.

• Help your child keep his priorities straight: Help your child maintain a focus on schoolwork, relationships and the other things in life beside soccer. Also, if your child has made a commitment to soccer, help him fulfill his obligation to the team.

• Reality test: If your child has come off the field when his team has lost, but he has played his best, help him to see this as a "win". Remind him that he is to focus on "process" and not "results". His fun and satisfaction should be derived from "striving to win". Conversely, he should be as satisfied from success that occurs despite inadequate preparation and performance.

• Keep soccer in its proper perspective: Soccer should not be larger than life for you. If your child's performance produces strong emotions in you, suppress them. Remember your relationship will continue with your children long after their competitive soccer days are over. Keep your goals and needs separate from your child's experience.

• Have fun: That is what we will be trying to do! We will try to challenge your child to reach past their "comfort level" and improve themselves as a player, and thus, a person. We will attempt to do this in environments that are fun, yet challenging. We look forward to this process. We hope you do to!

 

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